BLACK FRIDAY

I read the news today, oh boy...

Trouble, man. You wake up the day after Thanksgiving with a food and drink hangover. You can't make a fist, but you somehow manage to make coffee. Everything's too bright, too loud. You stagger to your chair with a cup of joe, and your head feels like a blimp from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that has torn loose from its guy-lines and bashed into a few skyscrapers.

You sit down and open the morning newpaper. Shit oh dear! The world is going to hell in a gravy boat. The headlines scream bloody murder. Maybe this is just a bad dream. Maybe Scrooge was right--the senses are cheats; a slight disorder of the stomach affects them. You pray these headlines are just an undigested bit of turkey, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of pecan pie.

MUMBAI

Members of the Indian security forces taking up firing positions between fire trucks and ambulances on the grounds of the Taj Hotel on Friday. (Ruth Fremson/ The New York Times )

I know you've been following the news from Mumbai. More than 150 people were killed in a series of coordinated attacks Wednesday. By Friday, nine gunmen had been killed by Indian commandos. Hostages were found dead. The fighting continues, and they say it's down to one luxury hotel, the Oberoi Trident.

In this clip, a CNN anchor Sara Sidner is threatened by an angry mob outside the Taj Mahal.




BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING DEATHS
So far, only three people were killed in shopping accidents: A Wal-Mart worker was trampled to death by eager shoppers in Valley Stream, New York, and two people were shot to death in a crowded Toy 'R' Us in Palm Desert, California.

Michael Robinson Chavez / Los Angeles Times

According to the LA Times, "the [Toys 'R' Us] shooting, apparently sparked by a personal dispute between two groups of shoppers, occurred on Black Friday, traditionally one of the year's busiest shopping days, and when the store was crowded with families and children."

To hear "Black Friday" by Steely Dan, please click button:


When Black Friday comes
I'm gonna dig myself a hole
Gonna lay down in it 'til
I satisfy my soul

YESTERDAY'S PAPERS:

A shout out to the rabble-rousers in the TDA who occupied the Trojan nuclear plant 31 years ago in an act of peaceful civil disobedience. Read a "trespasser's notebook" here.

SURVIVING THANKSGIVING

Wild Indians and the Guests Who Wouldn't Leave

Since the first Thanksgiving, Americans have celebrated with turkey and stuffing and goodhearted bickering. And booze. Traditionally, women and indentured servants prepared the bird while men drank like fish and watched football on television. Occasionally, a vegan was burned at the stake, usually after bringing a tofurkey, something that looks like a turkey and tastes like a football thereby combining both major elements of Thanksgiving.

Ideally, Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday--but as Plato told us wisely, the Ideal exists only in the mind. Expectations run high, and quarreling often bubbles just below the surface like the ptomaine in Aunt Anita's oyster stuffing that year everyone became so violently ill. When she slammed that terrified blancmange on the table, a long line of stomachs turned in unison. Just as you would avoid such poisonous stuffing, ignore the holiday boors who talk only of themselves and don't give a fig for others. Remember, some people may act strangely because they feel uncomfortable in a group, or because they lack basic social skills. Then again, they could simply hate you.



Surviving Thanksgiving, especially with the family, requires special skills. The pressure is on. You drive for hours in bumper to bumper traffic, and then--exhausted and irritable--you accidentally trip a half dozen landmines entering the parents' house. The dogs seethe with resentment. You drink to relax, and that helps up to a point, and then you flip on the game because it's Thanksgiving and you feel obligated to join the rest of your nation, but you quickly discover that football is just as boring as you remember it. You try. Giants on anabolic steroids collide in slow-mo, then again in instant replay, and you suddenly need another drink. Guests start arriving. Dogs are barking. Children are crying. The brothers-in-law are itching for trouble. Take a deep breath.


Perhaps you don't recognize yourself in these vignettes. Surely these are worst case scenarios. Then again, you may be in denial. Remember when all the relatives came over, the cousins and their significant others, who apparently hadn't eaten in weeks--how they ate you out of house and home, ransacked the liquor cabinet and the medicine chest, and then left with the pies? Remember when the kids gave each other black eyes, and their parents did the same? Remember when one brother-in-law said turkeys are the smartest animal on earth? When the other brother-in-law insisted you praise his new camera, and car, and selection of wine...that lyrical but not sarcastic Brunello di Montalcino? Remember when the drapes caught fire, and Dad ran off into the stormy night? Ah, Thanksgiving! It was like King Lear with leftovers.



Have a nice Thanksgiving! Good luck, too!

THANKSGIVING WITH THE BAND

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to bring out The Band. In spite of being 4/5ths Canadian, these brilliant musicians created a unique take on Americana, blending old time country, blues, gospel, and rock 'n' roll into a sound that was both timeless and resonant, a Memphis jukebox one moment, a tentshow revival the next, a killer bar band Saturday night, and when the smoke cleared Sunday morning, a motley crew of Civil War deserters playing tunes around a campfire. They told stories. They tended the still. They made great records, back when there was such a thing. They didn't warm to strangers right off, but once you got to know them they were right friendly folks. Now some of them are dead, and the rest are in rocking chairs. Drop by and say hello. Those rocking chairs won't go nowhere.

These clips are from The Last Waltz, a film of their final concert, Thanksgiving Day, 1976.



Starting out as the Hawks with Ronnie Hawkins, and later backing up Bob Dylan to jeering crowds on the 1966 tour (where the folkies were shocked by all the electricity), these scroungy old codgers holed up in Woodstock, New York, like the Dalton Gang. They licked their wounds and smoked their rope and practiced in the basement of a house in West Saugerties they called Big Pink, which would also be the title of their first album. These "basement tapes" were bootlegged, circulated, and discussed into the wee hours. Only a fraction were ever officially released (a double album in 1975) but the word was out; the rest of the rock world may have been plugging in to psychedelic paisley, but these boys were channeling the musical past--mining the ore of what rock critic Greil Marcus would call the "old, weird America."



Appropriately enough, their last official concert was Thanksgiving Day of the bicentennial year, 1976. As these clips show, The Band played their hearts out. Old friends showed up and played, too, including Dylan, Neil Young, Muddy Waters, Joni Mitchell, Van Morrison, Eric Clapton, The Staple Singers, Ringo and many others. Martin Scorsese filmed the night and turned it into a documentary called The Last Waltz. As I said, it was Thanksgiving, so along with brilliant musical performances guests were treated to a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Dylan brought a ton of salmon. Nobody left hungry.

The Band in "old, weird America"

Here's an added holiday treat--"All You Have to Do is Dream" (take 2), an unreleased "basement tape" with Dylan and the Band at Big Pink, 1967 (just click button):

THANKSGIVING DINNER -- TO GO!

Thanksgiving leftovers from the past:


In the 1920s, Thanksgiving was spare for Charlie Chaplin in this classic scene from "The Gold Rush." The film was first released as a silent film in 1925, and re-released with sound in 1942. The narrator is Chaplin himself.


In the 1950s, Thanksgiving dinner was a tad more festive, especially if your guests included Dinah Shore, Louis Prima, Keely Smith, Ernie Kovacs, Edie Adams and her husband George Montgomery. I always suspected Louis Prima was a left winger. Good for him.


In the 1940s, zany cartoonist Tex Avery brought us "Jerky Turkey" for Thanksgiving during WWII. Food rationing and a black market turkey (who looks an awful lot like Jimmy Durante) all played important roles in this wacky wartime cartoon. Buy war bonds.

THANKSGIVING PRAYERS

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and here are two old men as different as night and day saying their Thanksgiving prayers. Like good and evil, it might be hard to decide between the two, but you make up your own mind.


Johnny Cash, the Man in Black, sings a Thanksgiving prayer as warm as a bellyful of whiskey and a bowl of candied yams.



Williams S. Burroughs, author of Naked Lunch, offers a frozen Thanksgiving prayer on the end of a cold fork.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

It was pretty quiet at the Nine Pound Hammer offices today. We had cupcakes, and I sent all my regular employees home with a basket of yams and sweet potatoes, canned cranberries, and a tiny turkey made of marzipan. An old hobo shook my hand as he was leaving, and I assured him we weren't downsizing any time soon. He pulled a flask of peppermint Schnapps out of his old pea coat and gave me a swig. That's what Thanksgiving means to me, I thought, racing home in my Lexus. The little things.


"Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for -- annually, not oftener -- if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments."
--Mark Twain

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, and to the hobo with the turkey sandwich.

IT'S PAYBACK TIME!

I really don't know what's happening here, but it seems to be the revolt of the Thanksgiving meal. There's something terrifying about a turkey and a pumpkin wielding cutlery.

CELEBRITY CHEFS PREPARE TURKEY

Ever watch the Food Network? Where did all these celebrity chefs come from? You've got Anthony Bourdain, Mario Batalli, Giada De Laurentiis, Rachael Ray, Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, Charlie Trotter, Jacques Pepin, Maryann Esposito, Bobby Flay, Biba Caggiano, Emeril Lagasse, Alton Brown, and a few dozen Iron Chefs. There are a million of them, and now that Thanksgiving is here they're grabbing that turkey like it's the last chopper out of Saigon.

They all can cook turkey. These TV chefs can roast it, bake it, deep fry it, smoke it, stack it sideways, and put little booties on it, but Thanksgiving dinner should be about tradition. That's why we're ignoring these studio-tanned, camera hogs and going with the old pros. Pay attention and learn something.

A THANKSGIVING STORY

This is a classic hand turkey. Mat B. did an excellent job. As an artist, I appreciate his deft use of color and composition, the clean line, the work/play fusion of elements, the contrast of holiday happiness barely saved from cloying sentimentality by a sense of impending doom. The turkey will not last the week.
When I was a kid, I drew plenty of these. In fact, I actually won a "Draw a Turkey Contest." I appeared on a kiddie cartoon show, the "Ramblin' Rod Show." Nowadays, parents might be less willing to send their kids to a man with such a name, but back in the innocent early sixties it was all good, clean fun, and "Ramblin' Rod" was the perfect gentleman.

"Ramblin' Rod" told jokes, played the guitar, and introduced classic Popeye and Bugs Bunny cartoons. The show was wildly popular with my age group, and everyone I knew watched it religiously. Rod "interviewed" me between cartoons, shook my hand, and awarded me a gas-powered, Lotus racer. The massive television camera pulled in close, broadcasting live to the entire state. My parents beamed with pride in the studio audience. I think Dad wore a tie. More important, my friends and numerous cousins watched the show on actual TV! This was before everyone had video cameras, so this was highly unusual; there I was ON ACTUAL TV. My cousins were amazed. Even their parents stopped drinking and fighting long enough to watch! It was a little holiday magic, and I was on my way to becoming an artist.
The next day, there was photograph of me in the local newspaper holding the Lotus racer. "Little Bobby Rini," it said, "Draws Turkey, Wins Prize." No film footage of the moment exists, but I found these clips from "The Ramblin' Rod Show" so try and picture me in there, a nerdy little kid wearing glasses and holding an excellent drawing of a Thanksgiving turkey.

WILLIAM BURROUGHS' THANKSGIVING PRAYER

Before we eat, William Burroughs will lead us in prayer. Thanks, Bill.

THE THANKSGIVING STORY

Christopher Walken steals the show in this low-budget historical drama by the Celebrity Bric-a-Brac Theatre. These guys make Roger Corman look like Cecil B. DeMille.