THE BIG SPEECH FOR THE BIG GAME

A mash-up of inspirational speeches, in and out of the locker room

Part of football mythology is the inspirational locker room speech. You know the one, where the coach rallies the troops at halftime to win the game for God, Country and the Gipper. Here are a few good ones jammed together in two minutes.

The best inspirational speech of all time--at least my favorite--didn't echo in some locker room reeking of sweat and Phiso-Hex--in fact, it wasn't even given by a coach. The best inspirational speech was delivered far from the jockstraps and Jacuzzis and hampers of damp dirty towels in a wild green patch of Northern France just before the Battle of Agincourt, on Saint Crispin's Day in 1415.


Henry V (played by Kenneth Branagh) rouses his exhausted troops with the stirring St. Crispin's Day speech (touched up a bit by William Shakespeare), a speech that changed the course of the Hundred Years War, and successfully destroyed the French home team advantage.

ROOFBALL

Roofball -- a combination of freestyle kicks and tricks mixing soccer and gymnastics and breakdancing. This is another sport I won't be playing. Just watching this clip is all the excercise I need. Maybe this video has been doctored, but I don't think so. Kudos to these roofball locos.

Here's a link to the Roofball Federation of America. Click here.

Thanks to Tommy for sending this my way.

SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO COACH

In this historic newsreel from the University of Notre Dame archives, legendary coach Knute Rockne prepares his players for battle. Since it's Super Bowl Sunday, and I happen to know that key players in today's game are probably reading this blog, I thought I'd run this clip. It's historical, inspirational, and maybe even a little silly, but shut up and listen to the coach. Give him your undivided attention, or you will be running laps for the rest of the day. Do I make myself clear?


The cheatsheet for geeks: Knute Rockne is revered as a God in the football pantheon, with an incredible winning record as head coach at Notre Dame. He is considered the father of the forward pass. He introduced the "shift", with the backfield lining up in a T formation and then quickly shifting into a box formation to the left or right just as the ball was snapped, which remained a staple in the Notre Dame playbook for many years. Rockne died in a plane crash, March 31st, 1931. Pat O'Brien played him in the movie, Knute Rockne, All American (1940).

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

So tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday. Get ready for the Pats/Giants game, with all the slow-mo instant replays of the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat -- sandwiched between extremely expensive beer commercials. Cool. And heart attacks; they seem to go up astronomically during the game, according to numerous news stories. Go easy on stress, and don't try those all-American scrimmages at home. Those guys are well-paid, highly-trained, steroid-enhanced, drug-filled professionals, and they're used to that kind of violence. Your wife is not -- or shouldn't be, anyway. Chill, dude. It's just a fricking game!

Perhaps unrelated to Super Coronaries, are Super Snacks. Owen, my research assistant, came across this statistic: If you took all the guacamole devoured on Super Bowl Sunday, and poured it on the football field it would be waist-high. That would certainly make the game more interesting, since it appears to be a Patriots blowout in the making. Actually, with all the computer enhancement, maybe they could simply reduce the patriots to three-quarter size, and have a fair fight. That would be cool. By the way, if you hate avocados, or think guacamole is too ethnic for your taste, any fried carbs will do, as long as you wash them down with sufficient quantities of beer. Here's a good sportsman's platter.

Of course, the commercials are where the money is. Corporations pay billions of dollars for spots on the Super Bowl broadcast, and unveil advertisements designed specifically for drunken sportsfans. Enjoy the game!