GREAT DEPRESSION? NO DEPRESSION!

The recent stock market nosedive has people feeling uneasy, so here is something that worked the last time this happened: pure escapist entertainment! Down about the market? Try this cheery little ditty called "We're in the Money!"

People are saying this is the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, and that the Great American Empire is in its last days, but cheer up! Enough stinkin' thinkin.' What do you want, a government hand out? You only get those if you happen to be named Fannie May or Freddie Mac! (Or a few other massive corporations). Don't expect to be "bailed out" at the gas pump, loser! Don't expect a helping hand in the "ten items or less" grocery line!

Sure, times are tough. Use your imagination. Pretend you're a CEO with a golden parachute! Pretend you're a bailed-out big business! Pretend you own an oil company! What are we paying these lobbyists for?

I don't claim to understand economics, but maybe this downturn has something to do with "the good old days" of flimsy home loans and mindless deregulation (thanks, Reagan) when the almighty dollar was good for a few robber barons, er, I mean entrepreneurs, at the expense of the rest of us working stiffs. It's a grand old Republican tradition and a small price to pay to keep the wealthy corporate cronies rolling in dough, so buck up! Tighten up those belts and stop your bitching, do what you're told and there might be pie in the sky when you die.

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By the way, when the government "bails out" a corporation, YOU will pay for it. Each American family will chip in hundreds if not thousands of dollars for these "gifts" to beleaguered businesses. Funny, but I don't remember sharing in their profits when times were good.

In the meantime, here's Sheryl Crow performing that old depression hit, "No Depression."