SITTING ON THE BED WITH THE RICH AND FAMOUS

Andy Warhol, Steven Spielberg, and Bianca Jagger sit on a bed and discuss TV and radio. Society idolizes the rich and famous to such a degree that one would think these people--who brought us pop art, Indiana Jones, and, well, Jade Jagger, respectively--would somehow be more interesting than the rest of us. Evidently not. At least not when they're sitting around in a hotel room. Oh, some of it is interesting, but if these were three unknowns saying the same things I bet you would be bored stiff.

Galileo, famous for inventing the telescope

As we strive and connive to attain our goals, to do good work, or to simply crack the code of success--let's remember the rich and famous put their pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. Or they have someone else put their pants on for them, but you know what I mean. They are not a separate species. We know this, yet for some reason we remain mystified. We're obsessed. Turn on the TV, and note how much programming is devoted to celebrity and fame. Some people have accomplished great things, but some are simply famous for being famous.

Donnie, famous for his chili

This mystification is reflected in the famous exchange between Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald: "The rich are not like us." Hemingway: "Yes, they have more money."

The myth prevails. The grass is always greener...things must be better elsewhere, right? It must be more clever, fascinating, fun, comfortable. I'm reminded of the scene in Woody Allen's "Stardust Memories," when Woody sits in a dirty train, with dull, depressed people. A train pulls up alongside full of people in evening dress, drinking champagne, and having a wonderful time. A beautiful woman blows him a kiss. Woody tries desperately to change trains, but it's too late.

It's a funny scene. The other world looks so good from a distance, and that women looks inviting, but for all we know she could be Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton, famous for being famous

GREAT DEPRESSION? NO DEPRESSION!

The recent stock market nosedive has people feeling uneasy, so here is something that worked the last time this happened: pure escapist entertainment! Down about the market? Try this cheery little ditty called "We're in the Money!"

People are saying this is the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, and that the Great American Empire is in its last days, but cheer up! Enough stinkin' thinkin.' What do you want, a government hand out? You only get those if you happen to be named Fannie May or Freddie Mac! (Or a few other massive corporations). Don't expect to be "bailed out" at the gas pump, loser! Don't expect a helping hand in the "ten items or less" grocery line!

Sure, times are tough. Use your imagination. Pretend you're a CEO with a golden parachute! Pretend you're a bailed-out big business! Pretend you own an oil company! What are we paying these lobbyists for?

I don't claim to understand economics, but maybe this downturn has something to do with "the good old days" of flimsy home loans and mindless deregulation (thanks, Reagan) when the almighty dollar was good for a few robber barons, er, I mean entrepreneurs, at the expense of the rest of us working stiffs. It's a grand old Republican tradition and a small price to pay to keep the wealthy corporate cronies rolling in dough, so buck up! Tighten up those belts and stop your bitching, do what you're told and there might be pie in the sky when you die.

click to enlarge

By the way, when the government "bails out" a corporation, YOU will pay for it. Each American family will chip in hundreds if not thousands of dollars for these "gifts" to beleaguered businesses. Funny, but I don't remember sharing in their profits when times were good.

In the meantime, here's Sheryl Crow performing that old depression hit, "No Depression."

AND YOU THOUGHT BARBIE WAS A BAD IDEA

A Ukrainian toy manufacturer is marketing an Adolph Hitler doll in local toy stores. The controversial doll will go on sale this summer.

According to The Telegraph, "The 16 inch figurine -- complete with movable arms to reproduce Hitler's famous salute -- will first go on sale in the capital Kiev...The owner will be able to choose from a selection of outfits including 'early days Adolph' (brown shirts and jodhpurs) and 'wartime Adolph' (a grey, double-breasted tunic, black trousers, and Iron Cross medal)."

With reports of antisemitism and xenophobia on the rise, this may be a big seller this holiday season. In the Ukraine alone, over 1.5 million Jews were murdered by the Nazis and Ukrainian collaborators during the Holocaust. They won't be buying the Hitler doll, of course, and neither will holocaust survivors, who some say are overly sensitive. And neither will we. The Hitler doll will definitely NOT be on our Christmas list this year.

NO COMMENT

WASHINGTON (AP) — Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and former President Clinton made nearly $109 million since they left the White House, capitalizing on the world's interest in the former first couple and lucrative business ventures.

The Clintons reported $20.4 million in income for 2007 as they gave the public the most detailed look at their finances in eight years. Almost half the former first couple's money came from Bill Clinton's speeches.

"I have absolutely nothing against rich people," Hillary Clinton told North Dakota Democrats at their party convention Friday night in Grand Forks. "As a matter of fact, my husband — much to my surprise and his — has made a lot of money since he left the White House doing what he loves doing most, talking to people."

Clinton's tax returns show that of the remaining presidential candidates, she is the one most able to access large amounts of personal money. She lent her campaign $5 million in late February and could contribute more if she finds herself falling far behind Obama's proficient fundraising. -- from the Associated Press

Click button to hear "Hey, Little Rich Girl," by Amy Winehouse.

THE NEW SPRING FASHION

It's the economy, stupid.
Click button to hear "No Depression" by Uncle Tupelo.

HOW STUPID ARE WE?

EXXON reported Friday that it beat its own record for the highest profits ever recorded by any company, with net income rising 3 percent to $40.6 billion, thanks to surging oil prices. Other oil companies also reported monstrous profits. Chevron, the second-largest American oil company, said Friday that its profits rose 9 percent to $18.7 billion last year; Royal Dutch Shell on Thursday reported net income for 2007 of $31 billion, up 23 percent and the largest figure ever for a British company. (from the NYTimes, 2-1-08)

Any connection?

BIG BANK ROBBER

A rogue trader somehow masterminded a huge bank fraud that cost the French bank Societe Generale over $7.15 billion. Yes, BILLION. The lone trader, identified as Jerome Kerviel by the Financial Times, has admitted the fraud.

According to ABC News, the company said Kervial "was responsible for basic futures hedging on European equity market indexes...That means he made bets on how the markets would perform at a future date." Bank chairman Daniel Bouton said Kerviel's motives were irrational, and the financial manipulations didn't earn him any money.

I'm no expert at bank robbing -- and I don't condone or encourage such felonious behavior -- but isn't robbing banks about getting the money? That's the trick, right? Otherwise, what's the point?

To give you some sense of scale, here is an actual photograph of a quarter of a billion dollars. Imagine twenty-eight times this much money, plus a little more. That's what we're talking about.