Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I love Halloween. It's a magical scary night where ghouls and goblins rise from the mist and you eat way too much candy. The worst is candy corn, which is basically corn syrup mixed with wax. That will start backing up in your system until you need to call Roto Rooter. I knew a kid that happened to. Anyway, avoid the candy corn. Back when I was a kid Halloween was even more fun then it is today. Back then, before the Great Lockdown, kids were actually allowed to leave the house and go trick-or-treating without adult supervision. If you were born after 1990, let me explain: kids had dinner, dressed in flammable costumes with zero visibility, and hiked for miles in the darkness and rain to fill sacks with candy. Yes, you rang a total stranger's doorbell, and he would bring you some candy. I swear it's true! You could really rake it in. It might be one or two in the morning before you finally gave up and sat on some deserted street corner to swap bad candy (Smarties, Neccos, Lemonheads) for good candy (Snickers, Baby Ruths, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups) and then you proceeded to eat it until you got sick. The next day at school we were wired like crackheads (here I should mention the need to pay teachers a decent wage) and our lunchboxes were overflowing with candy booty. People got into Halloween back then, the whole society, not just the kids, and windows were full of glowing Jack-o-lanterns and black cats. People put some effort into it. Sometimes adults dressed up and met you at the door, which was kind of weird but okay if they had good candy (see above) and didn't try to touch you. There were just as many weirdos back then, I'm sure, and we were all warned with the apocryphal story of apples stuffed with razor blades, but we never saw that. Okay, one time we had trouble. My cousin Laura got a black crayon she thought was a piece of licorice, but she was always confusing one thing with another so that could have been just a simple misunderstanding. At any rate, we hobos and pirates prowled the mean streets on All Hallow's Eve, risking life and limb for the good candy and a good tale to tell. I hope I've succeeded. At any rate, stretch your feeble imaginations and have a great and scary Halloween this year. If you feel like scaring yourself a little, you can start with this creepy film on Halloween safety.

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