Thanks to A1 Concepts, bad pizza will soon be available to you at the push of a button in airports, malls, supermarkets and gas stations. Already popular in Europe, according to promotional materials, this vending machine makes a pizza from scratch, untouched by human hands, in two and a half minutes. Of course, bad pizza has always been widely available so we're not holding our breath. The resulting product looks like a giant Saltine cracker smeared with ketchup, and probably tastes about the same. Technically, this may be a pizza (or "Peezer," as the British announcer says) but we prefer something handmade and delicious pulled on a peel from a hot brick oven. We'd rather wait a few minutes.
Instead of vending machine pizza, we'd rather have the white clam pizza from Frank Pepe in New Haven, delicious coal-oven pizza from Lombardi's in Manhattan, a square pie from Di Fara's in Brooklyn, anything from John's on Bleecker, or even a common, by-the-slice, working-man-on-the-run pizza from any NYC pizzeria with Ray in the title, such as "Ray's Original Pizza", "Famous Ray's Pizza" and "World-Famous Original Ray's Pizza." On the West Coast, give us a delicious fennel salami pizza from Delancey in Seattle, or something from the fabled Apizza Scholls in Portland (which always seems to be closed) or my mom's perfect Calabrese anchovy pizza. If you want real pizza, skip the vending machines.
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