OH, JESUS

Too liberal? Jesus might make the cut with a nice haircut, a three-piece suit, and a job as a CEO preaching "every man for himself!" They might have to change the phrase "cast the first stone" to "preemptive strike."

Some conservatives think the Bible is too liberal, and they want to change it. The Conservative Bible Project seeks to return the Bible to its so-called right-wing roots, and has initiated a plan, and while some of the changes may bring the text closer to the original Aramaic (or so they say) other changes are political in nature and aimed at stripping the more "progressive" bent from the book.

According to Time, the conservatives aren't crazy about the story of the adulteress whom Jesus saved from being stoned with the famous line: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." The group complains that liberals have used this story to argue against the death penalty. Jesus sounds like a radical humanist, they complain, or at the very least a moral relativist. Not to mention a long-haired hippie.


According to Time magazine's Swampland blog, the project seeks to "replace liberal words like 'labor' with preferred conservative terms; use concise language instead of 'liberal wordiness'; and--my favorite--'explain the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning.'" "Labor" obviously has a left-wing, even "communist" connotation. Scotch that!

They'll have a hard time scrubbing the "liberal" out of the Bible, and my suggestion is they remove the Jesus character altogether. Why not? Some of his humanity and concern for the poor, some of his preaching of peace and justice, would be extremely difficult to spin, so just delete him. Or make him into a short-haired CEO who preaches every man for himself, crass materialism, and looking out for Numero Uno.

"Go ahead, cast the first stone! Look out for numero uno! Screw the meek! Blessed are the rich, the greedy, and the warmongers! Love thy neighbor--only in the right neighborhood! Blessed are the wealthy, for they shall get health care! Now get out of my face!"

According to The Huffington Post, the group has proposed a Wikipedia-like group editing project, Conservapedia. "Some of the ideas would only bring the translation closer to the original. But others would fundamentally change the text."

They propose the following changes:

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conservative-bible-projec_n_310037.html

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias 2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity 3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]

4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Conservative Bible Project

The final word...

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conservative-bible-projec_n_310037.html

WHY DO PEOPLE BELIEVE WEIRD THINGS?

Superstition is alive and well. People believe in UFOs and Bigfoot, Santa Claus and Satan, heaven and hell, and global conspiracies of Jewish bankers. They swear they saw Christ on a pizza, or the skunk ape on a camping trip. Skeptic Magazine founder Michael Shermer takes us through some strange things people believe - from alien encounters to hidden messages revealed while playing "Stairway to Heaven" backwards. He explains the evolutionary and cognitive basis for these lapses in reason. Shermer is the author of "Why People Believe Weird Things."

Led Zeppelin: Satanic messengers from Hell or classic rock band?

HAPPY EASTER!

Coloring Easter eggs is a holiday tradition, and if you haven't already colored your eggs this video will guide you through the process. It's a lot of fun. When we were kids, we'd bring Easter candy and colored eggs to school the entire week following the holiday--but now health authorities discourage eating colored eggs. These are the same people who took away our cigarettes and broken glass. Back then, we thought we'd live forever. We'd bravely munch a couple of these brightly colored bombs and race out to climb the monkey bars or bail out on the swings. The monkey bars were cast iron anchored in concrete, and it was a tough fall if you lost your footing (nowadays monkey bars are probably made of Nerf material and set on mattresses, but I can't verify that). Anyway, we lost a couple kids every recess. We got used to the whack-whack sound of medevac choppers, and watching friends strapped to the skids being flown away, never to be seen again.

After recess, it was worse. By then the sugar had warn off, and since the classrooms were always overheated we had to fight dozing off during the long division drills. This was before pocket calculators, when we actually had to learn math. Inevitably, some kid threw up. The janitor was summoned from his broom closet, and the sour old bastard came ambling down the hall like a mean version of Mr Greenjeans, jingling his massive key ring, pushing a mop the size of Rhode Island, and carrying a can of puke powder. He covered the stain with the puke powder but the stink never went away. It lingered in the warm classroom, drifting on the afternoon thermals. You'd gag every time you passed the spot. You'd get up to sharpen your pencil--a yellow, chewed-up Ticonderoga #2 --and practically get the dry heaves. Sometimes if I catch a faint whiff of sick from an alley it carries me back to Mrs. Vest's fourth grade class. I wonder who survived. I hope everyone made it, with the exception of Mr. Greenjeans.

Anyway, the moral of the story is simple. Don't eat colored eggs unless you're foolhardy and have nothing to live for. Otherwise, play it safe and do as you're told. Happy Easter.

This video will give you another angle on coloring eggs.

"I Want Candy" by

The Master Egg Painter colors an egg. More vintage Easter cards below! Check here!

EASTER IS COMING!

Sunday, Christians will celebrate Easter and commemorate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Without realizing it, they will also celebrate the pagan fertility springtime festival the Christian holiday supplanted. Crucifixions will mingle with fertility symbols--chicks, eggs, rabbits, flowers. It's been this way since the first Easter, at the tail end of the Iron Age. Look it up. In fact, the pagan goddess of spring and renewal was called "Oestar" from the Scandinavian "Ostra" and the Teutonic "Ostern" or "Eastre." This goddess of spring and fertility was honored on the vernal (spring) equinox. All that, and chocolate!

Of course, many people (most of the people on the planet, in fact) don't believe in Jesus as our Savior/Messiah, but they are still welcome to a chocolate bunny. Some people don't even believe in the Easter Bunny, who they claim is merely a magical mythical figure depicted as an anthropomorphic rabbit that delivers eggs in a basket. The following chart will help you place yourself according to your belief in Jesus (and of course many will simply be off the chart). This diagram may also help clarify your belief (or lack thereof) in the Easter Bunny.


The great Tom Waits helps us celebrate Easter with a stirring rendition of "Chocolate Jesus," combining both strains of the holiday in one tasty treat.

Speaking of anthropomorphic rabbits, here's one of our favorites, Bugs Bunny, helping the Easter Bunny in this cartoon classic from 1947, "Easter Yeggs." Just so you'll know, "yegg" is oldtime slang for a burglar or safecracker.


"Easter Yeggs" (1947) Looney Tunes


Springtime in Italy is the watchword around here, and this is how they celebrate the holiday. Wouldn't you know eating would be involved? You betcha. And you know it's good! Buona Pasqua! (Check out this post, Springtime in Italy).


Italy Travel: Easter Traditions in Italy


Isn't this little hatchling adorable? Long after the Iron Age but before the Age of Email, people actually sent these wonderful vintage Easter cards to family and friends. Of course, they weren't called "vintage" cards back then, no more than coins minted before the time of Christ carried the initials "B.C,," but now they've become collectibles. This was from the Golden Age of Illustration, before stock photos and Photoshop killed off the illustrators. Times were different then.

Here's another Easter cutie. Actually, this pin-up purports to be an actual photograph of the Easter Bunny. Then again, maybe it's Ostra, goddess of spring!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! And all you mothers out there. Thanks for bringing us into this world, and putting up with years of worry and trouble and dirty socks and tantrums and weird ceramic things that are supposed to be ashtrays. Today is a special day, and we salute you!

To help celebrate, we've got "The Mothers of Invention," a seminal group that blew the minds of kids and censors back in the 1960s. Their fearless leader, musician and composer Frank Zappa, fought against mindless censorship and the PMRC ratings code until his dying day in 1993.


Here's Zappa on "Crossfire," arguing with screwheads about censorship. The exchange between Zappa and smug Conservative gasbag Robert Novak is priceless.


The follow-up show in 1987, with Zappa on CNN's "Crossfire" guest-hosted by Michael Kinsley. Here, Zappa disagrees with suits from the PMRC about censorship and the ratings system of music. The Mothers of Invention

FUNNY LITTLE BUNNIES! AN EASTER CARTOON

This Silly Symphony cartoon from the Disney Studios was made in 1934. These funny bunnies are busy decorating eggs. You get the idea.

HAPPY EASTER!

If you're like me, you have fond memories of Easter morning. Rabbits, who had been pretty quiet all year long, would sneak into our house and leave baskets full of candy. I know, it sounds fantastic. We'd wake up and tear through colored cellophane and grab the candy and eggs and chocolate rabbits and Peeps all nestled in the green plastic grass. Winter was over, Spring was here, and the day was chock full of symbolic harbingers of new life and birth -- eggs, chicks, bunnies. I mean no offense to your belief system, but as you may have guessed, if you are free to ponder such things, Easter predates the arrival of a certain carpenter by a long shot. Still, the story of the resurrection fits squarely at the center of the birth-rebirth theme of this springtime holiday going back to pagan times. Believe what you will -- in Jesus or Buddha or Moses or Mohammad or Krishna -- or no God whatsoever -- as long as you tread lightly and respect others. There are too many narrow-minded, venal, greedy folks using religion as an excuse for hatred and selfishness and warmongering. But you know that.

CHRISTIANS FINALLY EXPLAIN FOSSIL RECORD

You've got to hand it to those Christians.

SEARCHING FOR THE WRONG-EYED JESUS

Are you looking for something? How about something dark, swampy, eerie, a wicked messenger that stinks of diesel fumes and a deep fryer? Something way down south? Something pentecostal with a little Elvis and a little Easy Rider? Don't go there. Stay home. Some strange scenes from Jim White and Andrew Douglas' weirdly disturbing travelogue "Searching for the Wrong-eyed Jesus."