LAST MAN ON EARTH DIES

Charlton Heston, scenery-chewing actor, former conservative president of the National Rifle Association (NRA), and the last man on earth, died at 84.
Famous for parting the Red Sea and battling planets full of apes, Heston retired to an apartment building after a post-apocalyptic plague swept the planet. By day, he traveled in a red convertible, hurling invectives and shooting his legally registered machine gun, but by night he was forced to barricade himself in a homemade fortress and fend off plague-infected zombies. It was a lonely life. He held out for years, but he could only hold out so long. Now he has joined the rest of us.